1 when so many things are worth giving up for
multiplied and thick, we're getting sick, I'm letting go.
carfully placed one at a time, each day is all we need
2 when so many things are worth leaving for
red light fallen star, who knows where we are, I'm letting go.
3 It's you i need.
but your worth giving
4 Yet the song I sing, when i breath,
dying for air, scratching the sky, I'm letting go.
5 though meant for you, short breath is my best,
i could use what you have right now, I'm letting go.
6 (but) it's you i need.
but your worth seeing
7 insatiably honest but cold in your hand
your so honest it hurts thanks for being gentle
8 just leave me the way you found me
better the way you found me
9 but all i need is you.
Am I'm worth leaving
10 remember how true we were
Back when we started, you meant different for me,
11 when no one mattered i mattered the most
Yet here I am, do I mean the same.
12 fade to grey. undone.
Concept rewrite for version 3: (focus on the theme)
"love lost story. teetering on the edge.
reminiscing. sadness. hopeful future of regrets.
glory girl, life's answer."
if i ,
i would have
redefine visual link
like a .... massive end.
incorporate a Shelia Davis approach
- A Genuine Idea
- A Memorable Title
- A Strong Start
- A Payoff
- The Appropriate Form
A rewrite exercise (c) 2012 John Canales, all rights reserved